Steve Beckow: Buildup and Release
Posted by Wes Annac
Written by Steve BeckowPhoto: Awful? I thought you said an owl-ful.
It’s my private belief that some of us, or perhaps many of us, I
don’t know, are being drawn through the eye of the needle at this time.
I’m at this moment going through a process that feels as if I’m like a
tube of toothpaste being squeezed and everything at the end of the tube
It’s as if everything black, everything bad, everything evil inside
me from whenever it hails is gathering at the end of the toothpaste tube
and spilling out.
I believe this is a time when all the things that went wrong in our
lives, all the misbegotten patterns of behavior, everything we’ve been
complaining about, every perpetration we ever did, every foul thing we
said or thought is coming up to be re-experienced and released. Or maybe
just released. Don’t know yet.
I don’t say this to alarm others. Quite the contrary. I say it to
reassure them. If I can go through this, and go through it publicly,
woodenhead that I am, anyone can.
Please allow me to share this without ridiculing me for what I say. I
personally believe this is an important share. And I don’t want to lose
my nerve and not say it.
The triggers for this release are irrelevant (and they always are),
(1) except for the valiance of those unfortunate friends and relatives
who’ve served unwittingly as transference screens to have this whole
rotten and corrupted mass of blackness explode.
For however long this process of release of a lifetime of hatred
lasts I am poisonous and toxic. And I should be away from people.
But not like any of this is a bad thing. It’s not. This had to happen
and it’s a wonderful thing. Just not pleasant to go through – for
I was alerted to what was happening when I discovered myself
transferring a huge amount. And transferring uncontrollably. It came
pouring out of my mind, not all of it being articulated.
I saw then that something really urgent was happening and needed to
be taken care of. It was at that moment that I began to look deeply. And
matters just got worse the deeper I looked. I have some accounting to
do but i cannot let that play upon my mind at this moment.
What I know is that this eruption of blackness has been a long, long
time brewing. I’ve dug a hole for myself that’s so deep behaviorally
that there would’ve been no way at all I could have completed this life
without facing it, not with us going through the eye of the needle.
This deep hole has been purchased with lies and excuses and denials
and every other misguided and irretrievably-mistaken move I’ve made in
my life. Most of these hail from long, long ago but it doesn’t seem to
matter. Everything is up and before me. I feel afraid to make a move in
No complaints! I am definitely not complaining. I’m so happy that
this should surface and will be glad when it utterly leaves me, by the
grace of the Mother.
I’m releasing this ball of blackness and evil to her as fast as it
arises but the amount of control I have over the process is not at this
moment great. I feel like a woman in birth.
I suppose what I want to say here in ending and why I say this at all
is to reassure people that I feel almost certain this is a programmed
release, as hard for us and for those around us to bear as it is. (And I
will make amends.)
I apologize to all I have harmed. I accept full responsibility for
all the hurt I have caused. Not only now but throughout my life. I
attribute none of this to any other but me. And I look forward to being
on the other side (when I am) and completely free of it. I am a happy
man that this is happening. I definitely need to be rid of this
blackness as an act of service.
So I remove myself from polite society until this truckload of
grievances, upsets, resentments and every other form of blackness I’ve
been carrying around all my life does whatever it needs to do to leave
(1) That is, we are almost never upset for the reasons we think we
are. The source of the upset lies in the distant past and not in the
person standing before us.
Thanks to: http://aquariusparadigm.com