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Out Of Mind » VOICES CARRY » Ines Radman » It’s Always Been Your Choice

It’s Always Been Your Choice

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1 It’s Always Been Your Choice on Mon Nov 30, 2015 2:15 pm


It’s Always Been Your Choice

November 30, 2015 Ines Radman

I’m currently working on a new series of “creating your own reality”, posts. It’s not that simple. A few readers emailed me and asked me HOW to do this. It’s not simple. For starters, it requires an understanding of our relationships: inner self, higher self, soul, ego, consciousness etc. All these frequencies work together but ultimately we create the conditions for it.
Our thoughts are not enough to change our reality. In order to change our reality or create what we want, those thoughts must become belief systems, by believing they already exist, our body/consciousness gets the message and passes this on to other players involved. Each cell and molecule is a living organism with its own frequency, yet consists of the same material the body is made up of just in smaller sizes…
We all create our own realities, that’s the problem, we have been doing this since our existence it’s just that we have been misled into believing that we have no control over our lives or destinies. From the time we are born, our parents or caregivers start the programming and so, someone is controlling our every movement and thought right up to the time we leave home and decide to do it on our own.
I have an advantage in this concept because I have been creating my own reality since I can remember, creating it in the way I want it to be I must say, but my system doesn’t always work, though, in general, I would say that I have an 80% success rate. How?
The advantage that I have is that I didn’t have any belief systems really. My parents didn’t talk to me, constantly being told god will punish me was about the only thing they passed on to me, but I didn’t believe it anyways, not because I knew better, but because even as a child I refused to conform to someone else’s belief systems. I feared nothing, I was a fearless child and that is about the only positive thing my mother ever said to me: You are not afraid of anything and you are so stubborn. Well, I believe those 2 traits actually saved my life many times.
Often I would have to spend time in my room as punishment. In the 70’s there was no radio or TV in bedrooms, I had NOTHING to do. Either lay on the bed the whole time, stare out the window in the backyard or write. Laying on the bed gave me time to “daydream”. I would visualize everything I wanted and this is how I created everything I have today. I could do this for hours and hours. If I had a crush on someone I could see myself with him, down to every detail of our date, even the clothes that I wore. All the years ahead of me, I learned to write my feelings and get them out of my system rather than bury them and I learned to visualize, fool myself into thinking I was already living that reality.
I lived for my 16th birthday, the day I could pack my bags and leave home without fear the police would come and take me home again. I didn’t adopt any belief systems from my parents because they didn’t teach me any or insist I believe in something. Their world was black or white. You’re either good or bad, problem was that I would get punished for being bad but never rewarded for being good so I took the attitude that it matters not and did whatever I wanted because there was no incentive to behave and achieve anything.
My parents didn’t talk to me, in fact the house was silent, you would never know 4 people lived in it. I couldn’t sit with my mother and talk to her about anything, she was too busy to listen to my  lies or if I even tried to say something I wanted to do, she would just laugh at me and tell me I would never amount to anything.
I couldn’t talk to my dad because I was afraid of him, so I avoided him at all times, the only time he paid attention to me was to call me and demand that I flip the channels until he found one he liked or call me to bring the belt so that he could beat the crap out of me for using his razor.
The only belief system I had was that god was cruel and evil and so were my parents. I don’t have one good memory of my childhood. My mother told me years ago we did have good times and when I asked her to name one, she said we drove around Prince Rupert at night during holidays to look at the Xmas lights on the homes. I asked her if we decorated our house with lights and she said”Your dad doesn’t believe in Jesus”.
To ask my mother such a question is actually silly because what she considered a good time was having a house full of guests while she slaved all day and night cooking and cleaning after them. I never saw my mother sit at the table with guests, I could not even find a photo of her sitting at the table because she was too busy in the kitchen producing food. She was also borderline obsessive about cleaning so she would not even consider going to sleep without wiping the dust on a lightbulb.
So, the advantage I have towards removing belief systems that don’t serve me is that I didn’t have many to begin with and after I left home at 16, I basically lived my life my way, I was, you could say a non-conformist, I hated authority or anyone trying to tell me what to do or think.
My independence and unwillingness to conform to my parents resulted in extreme punishment because they didn’t understand that if you only punish a child and don’t reward them, there is no incentive to behave. I was a misbehaved child in their eyes, and I would spend days in my room as punishment for things such as not eating carrots, yet nobody ever asked me if I liked them.
My mother put out clothes that I would wear, I was not allowed to go shopping and pick them out, so I had to wear crap that resulted in kids making fun of me. As a teenager, I would take my girlfriend’s jeans or shirt and change into that, I was a loner because I didn’t want to join groups and ‘become’ a certain way only to be accepted or to be cool. This non-conforming attitude came with me at birth.
I was 11 years old when I got my first menstrual period. My mother threw me a box of pads and said:”Here you go”. I had no idea what was happening to me, I had no idea what this pain was from, I had to go to my girlfriend’s mother and ask her how to use them.
So, yes, I have this advantage that I wasn’t brought up in a certain way to believe certain things probably because I instinctively knew I wasn’t from this planet, I don’t know, it was always with me and to this day.
When I first met my partner 11 years ago and we were talking about living together, I had a list of things he had to accept or I would not live with him. The first item on the list was: I do not want to be told what to do.
It comes from my parents, controlling every aspect of my life and never once asking me what I wanted. As I became an adult, I learned to fend for myself. At 16, in my last year of Senior High School, I worked at a gas station from 3:30 to midnight. I was so proud that I was able to support myself and on graduation day I hoped that at least my mom would come and say something nice. After I ran away from home, my father would not allow my mother or sister to talk to me. Graduation came and went, and nobody came, all I wanted was for my mom to tell me how proud she was of  me because she never forgot to remind me that I would not amount to anything. From there I worked and became a Psychologist.
The belief system we carry from childhood affects the way we create our own reality. It’s not enough to just ‘think’ what we want. It’s not enough to ‘believe’ what we want. We have to see ourselves in that reality we want to create, and to get there, we have to do a lot of work.
We grew up in a society where everything is instant. Technology allowed us to do this, we can have anything we want as long as we can pay for it, including psychologists or psychiatrists, but we all know they can’t change our reality or even teach us how to do that. We have been dumbed down so much that we still think our life is controlled by our environment that we live on OR that god decides it for us.
We have yet to accept the reality that we are the ones creating it, we have been doing it since our existence, only over time, we forgot and due to unforeseeable circumstances, a script was written into the play and things went wrong. We are so fucking dumb I’m not even embarrassed about it anymore, we can’t get any dumber than we are because we still can’t accept the fact that WE are responsible for everything that happens to us. Until we accept this, our reality will be created unconsciously, as we have been doing for eons.
We don’t graduate until we figure this out, I have been writing about this for 2 years now, there is no savior, we are our own savior and that is the part that most people simply can’t face, it takes work, it takes dedication, it takes rearranging our time to fit the personal work, it takes a “BELIEF” of knowing that we create everything in our lives.
The series of posts will delve deep into that subject, take it or leave it, but I think most of you have figured it out by now that we have to start accepting responsibility for our lives and our current human condition. Nothing will change unless we change the way we think, what we believe in and how we use our divine essence to create. It’s not about creating so much as it is how to prepare oneself to create what serves us, and discard what doesn’t.
It’s up to you, as always, you are the actor in the play, you wrote the screenplay and you can always opt out and hand your role over to someone else and wait it out. It’s always been your choice.

Thanks to Ines at:

  I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity ~ Edgar Allan Poe

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