STAR WARS COMMERCIAL by TS Caladan
It’s the Cantina scene from SW Episode #4 where the worst wretches of ‘scum and villainy’ meet and toss back a few drinks. As we know, Cantinas are very popular with aliens and aliens have different ways of unwinding at such wild establishments…
We pan booths, tables and seats filled with a wide range of horrible brutes and satisfied customers, many engage in other/personal methods of (‘getting high’) enjoying themselves:
Some of the vicious group take pills of different sizes, shapes and colors; some nasty customers inject themselves with things only Dark Lords know about; some vile patrons intake (through a myriad of orifices) various colored smoke and powders.
Music blares and rocks the loud, chaotic Cantina. Everyone has a good time in their own way. Seems like one of those evenings that WON’T have an ‘incident,’ which is an oddity with such a violent and diverse crowd. Then…
In walks one of those ‘Rangers,’ no one is too sure about these days. He wears a dark hood and is of modest size. He almost appears weak and shy and passive compared to the big aliens around him. Most don’t notice; but a few who recognize his markings watch him closely as he calmly walks up to the bar. But before he orders his drink…
Apparently, the Ranger wants to ‘be tough’ among a tough crowd. He has the utter nerve to:
Light-up a cigarette! IT WAS TOBACCO!! The music stops~
“Tobacco?!” “He’s smoking tobacco!” “No!” “What?” “I don’t believe it,” are shouted.
A purple Twi’lek screams! A Bith, a Neek and a Dug also realize what it is and they bolt as fast as they can out of the area. EVERYONE backs away from the hooded smoker.
The bartender near the Ranger immediately stomps a thick, clawed foot on a special SIREN! The loud Alarm is only for the most dire, dreaded and extreme emergencies. The Cantina pays an extra service charge to a particular squad of Jedi that are ‘on call’ for just such Law-breaking.
Even the dumbest and most primitive barbarians in the bar know the Drug Tobacco has subtly ruined countless star systems. Trillions of individual life forms die because of ‘Tobacco legalization’ when they don’t have to. The Drug is considered the ‘deadliest addiction in the galaxy’ that even the most heinous of creatures avoid.
Women are not impressed by the smoking Ranger.
Suddenly, a young and handsome Jedi enters and draws his green saber! Four alien Jedi also enter with turquoise sabers. They quickly surround the Ranger. The good-looking lad swings the green light with force and evaporates the offending cigarette without a trace.
The SIREN stops and many applaud.
The confused Ranger turns to the bartender and asks, “You have Jedi Security? Huh.”
“Get him out of here.” “Not cool, man.” “Give us a break,” some say.
They toss the dark offender in a bright pink, protective bubble and no more problem.
More creatures and humanoids applaud. The Music returns and normality resumes…
The bartender vacuums the air to eliminate any particle of the awful smoke. The vacuum hose latches onto his long snout for a moment.
The owner of the Cantina approaches the Jedi and says, “Thanks. I knew Republican guards would pay off. We don’t need any more bad press, y’know what I mean, Officer? Can you believe that guy? The NERVE.”
The Jedi Officer only smiles and says, “Some people.”