How to Let Go and Trust when it Feels Really Hard
By Gilbert Ross • Jan 8, 2019 •
You must have heard it a gazillion times – “Let Go!” or “Let it go….let go of your past and of your attachments which are causing you nothing but pain and suffering.” And yes, it’s all true and has always been and will always be. If there is one life changer it’s that of discarding all the baggage, conditioning, hurt feelings, grudges, misconceptions, judgements, self-sabotaging habits and all that is holding you from growing healthily and being who you truly are: A beautiful, powerful and sovereign living expression of source creation. Free from self-doubt, anxiety or worry about your past or future. Alive and flowing with life and creating meaningful connections through which more life can flow. Dancing to the music of life with its high tones and sometimes melancholic undertones. You are all that and more.
Yet letting go can be hard. I know that. I’ve been there. And some things are way harder than others to completely leave behind or get out of. There are times when it actually feels impossible. Yet it is not. It never is and that’s a certainty. It is the hardest when we are very deeply entrenched in an ‘emotional-behavioural vicious cycle’. There is a chain of responses that feedback on each other. Starting from certain beliefs that are etched deeply into our subconscious mind. We ‘see’ and filter out our reality according to those beliefs. The more powerful the beliefs, the more our reality is shaped accordingly. If you believe you are not worthy you will constantly ‘see’ confirmation of this in your outer reality which will automatically trigger an emotional response. And the same emotions over time will dictate our behaviour and personality which in turn will continue to entrench the same beliefs even deeper and so in an endless feedback cycle. It’s like a closed circuit and I sometimes call it the deep circuit.
The First Step Out is InRewiring that circuit requires a certain amount of energy which is not available as a resource because most of it is taken in by the circuit itself. So it seems a bit paradoxical from the outset. This does not mean that there isn’t a way out. There is but the first step out of the circuit is, strangely enough, in. You need to be consciously aware of this subconscious cycle first. Awareness and observation are your first power tools out of the predicament. By acknowledging it and bringing it to your conscious awareness, you are already dissipating some of the power the unconscious circuitry has over your life. Keep on observing your feelings and emotions as they come up. Do not judge yourself (important) as you do. Just realise that these negative or bad feelings and emotions are an effect of your conditioned energy-mind-body that is hooked up to a certain unconscious circuitry you will soon free up. There are various tools and things you can do in conjunction with being aware of your feelings. Methods such as Emotional Freedom Technique, otherwise known as EFT tapping is a popular technique that I recommend as it takes so little time and effort to learn and practice and is surprisingly effective considering its simplicity. Meditation and breathing exercises are of course perennially recommended for their widely consented upon benefits. I use these on a daily basis.
Moving the EnergiesThe second important step is to start changing and moving the energies. A big part of what the ‘deep circuit’ does, and why it is so hard at letting go of things when you are entrenched in it, is that it locks your energies. Your vital and creative energies are not free to move, expand and refresh because they are channelled by the circuit in order to power and perpetuate itself. So this is actually a two-step process. The first involves getting additional energy to compensate for the lack of it. Any exercise – Running, walking, Yoga, stretching, aerobics, dancing – will do as they all move the energy, give you additional energy, hence vitality, and also trigger a cascade of bodily chemicals that promote good feelings, contentment and reduce stress. Eating healthy is naturally a good accompaniment that will keep you supplied with more energy and vitality for longer.
Freeing up Space to Let it all goThe second part of this step is freeing up energy from the circuit to be available to you. This is the first big leap that will help you (and sustain you) get out of the emotional rut of low energy and motivation. This is done with a very special ingredient we starve ourselves from a lot – self-love. What does self-love mean in practical terms? It means first and foremost being softer and kinder to yourself. One of the reasons why we find it hard to let go is because we are so hard on ourselves to start with. You don’t realise how hard you are on yourself until you start actively and consciously being softer. Being hard on yourself has so many forms, most of which can be hard to detect if you don’t put more attention to it. For example, blaming and being disappointed with yourself when things do not align or go wrong. Expecting too much of yourself or not being lighter by accepting and laughing it off when you fall short of your expectations. Not giving yourself more freedom to enjoy life. Not forgiving or putting too much pressure on yourself. Another way we are frequently hard on ourselves is through constant and negative self-talk. That critical voice in our head that goes “damn what an idiot, I did it again!”
All this being hard on oneself locks a lot of energy and vitality and this is the reason why you feel ‘down’ or on a ‘low vibe’. The act of compassion, being softer and lighter with oneself, frees up space for more energy to flow because you are attenuating, and eventually rewiring, that deep circuitry of fear, distrust, guilt and shame. This is where some real inner alchemy starts to happen. This is where you will start letting go without even trying to because you are freeing up more positive, loving energy to be freed up and with it comes more acceptance, inner peace, feeling good about oneself and life while being less hung up in emotional blocks, negative thoughts and judgement.
As you allow this space to grow and start letting go of thoughts and emotions that do not serve you, other things start happening at the same time – A deepening of mind where you are less subject to be swayed by petty or distracting thoughts. Creativity starts to seep through as more positive life force is given the space to flow. There is more coherence between mind and heart and intuitions start to come into your awareness more often as you learn to relax and trust.
This is the point where a shift starts to be felt – from a vicious cycle of negative feelings and thoughts to a virtuous cycle of uplifting thoughts, behaviours and emotions. The deep circuit of fear and powerlessness starts rewiring into one of love and empowerment.
Summarising the above in a few points:
- The first step out is in: Become more aware of the limiting and self-defeating patterns
- Start Moving the energies: Run, walk, do Yoga, stretch, dance, laugh, cry
- Complement with other healthy habits: Meditate, EFT, Breathing
- Start Freeing up stuck energies: Self-love, being kinder and softer with oneself. Acceptance
Thanks to: https://soulhiker.com