Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all barriers within yourself that you have built against it ~ Rumi
Toxic relationships come in all forms and can be detrimental in so many ways but also offer the greatest opportunity for growth and learning. It’s within the mindset of growth that we can begin to navigate and resolve relationship toxicity issues in order to release and move on. This can be a very difficult thing to accomplish since the toxicity is much like a drop of ink that spoils the entire well leaving a cellular toxicity, much like an allergic reaction, to this kind of abusive relationship. The poisoning of the well leaves us feeling “tainted” and eventually leaves behind a continuous cycle of grief in the emotions of denial, bargaining, anger, and pain that never leads to the Acceptance we seek in the form of Unconditional Love.
In the big picture, no one has “permission” to bring toxicity into our energy field unless we Allow it. However, sometimes the toxicity sets in on a cellular level when this kind of relationship is born in childhood before we have earliest memories or have even learned to communicate in some cases. It can become a challenge in learning to separate one’s own “energy” from the energy of the poisonous relationship so it’s important to have insight into how to let go and/or navigate the relationship in a different way.
If one has never experienced Unconditional Love on an energetic level then one can become easily fooled into thinking they have found “love” but oftentimes find it to be quite the opposite leaving behind a feeling of guilt or shame coupled with a feeling of being “unlovable”. This becomes especially apparent when one has suffered from some sort of abuse in childhood and never experienced the emotion of Unconditional Love. How can one seek something they’ve never experienced in this way? Our relationships are a direct reflection of how we feel about our own Self Worth and when we vacillate between toxicity and “love” we truly find ourselves in an unhealthy situation. The toxicity shows up in the form of hostility, aggression, conflicts, quarrels, judgement, and criticism among other things. The Clarity that we tend to find in these type of relationships typically comes in the form of the negativity it brings rather than a Positive, Loving outcome. Like a junkie seeking heroin we find ourselves in an addictive situation alternating between the high when things are going well and the low when the shit is hitting the fan. Many times one finds themselves trying to “fix” and/or communicate with the other person all while defending ourselves against the “judgement” the relationship brings on, both judgement from the other person and judgement of Self for being in the relationship in the first place. Usually both parties who participate in these relationships bring a great deal of emotional deflection and projection meaning that they project their emotions onto the other person when these emotions are actually coming from Self. This pattern is ironic as they also deflect or are in denial of the very emotions they are projecting onto the other person. It’s a truly ruthless cycle to break. These relationships are indeed a great distraction from focusing on Self and finding the painfully missing piece one lacks withIN. One has to be willing to seek awareness of and identify with their own patterns in order to Heal and become Whole. We have to remember that just because it’s familiar doesn’t mean it’s good for us and that there are other addictions besides “substances”.
Forgiveness is key in any relationship that has had turmoil or is “ending”. However, just because we have found the Art of Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean we can continue to indulge in the relationship without being vulnerable, much like mixing oil and vinegar. First, we have to recognize that which we are bringing to the table and learn to separate it from what the other person is bringing. Next, we have to realize that we are ALL Worthy of the Fairy Tale and if the relationship is energetically toxic we may have no other choice but to walk away with Love in our Hearts. The key is a deep understanding that sometimes we don’t get to have the relationships we were always hoping for with certain people in our Lives. In order to manifest Unconditional Love into our Lives we have to be willing to REceive it, no matter what form it takes. Frequently, when we cannot make a relationship work the way we want, we tend to think of the relationship and ourselves as having “failed” at Love. This is just a matter of perspective and can be shifted if we Allow ourselves to release all conditions and expectations in the relationship while looking at the relationship as an opportunity to remove the blocks that keep us from finding Unconditional Love, specifically in the form we are looking for. Everything we seek to find can be found withIN so it’s important to create boundaries, both energetically and otherwise. REmember, no ONE has permission to hurt you emotionally without your explicit permission so it’s essential to separate oneself with Intention. This can be done by declaring to Self that this person no longer has your permission to speak or act a certain way when they do not have your best interests at Heart and should also be done on a Spiritual level and/or in meditation. Intending a separation of energy is crucial because the way the toxicity presents itself is usually a very chronic process whereas our Awareness of the situation becomes clouded slowly. This is confusing because although the relationship tends to start off as seemingly Happy it quickly becomes unmanageable leaving one wondering when and where things went “wrong”. This is precisely the reason why continuing to indulge oneSELF in the negativity cannot possibly bring the Loving relationship that is being sought after.
REmember, we are all Worthy of the Fairy Tale, especially when it comes to Loving and Healthy relationships. Wherever you find yourself with this issue, please REmember that you are so very Beautiful, Worthy, and Loved…
Music to drive it Home (Get up and ROAR…):
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Kathryn E. May, PsyD, has practiced 35+ yrs. with a very unique process called "visual centering" that assists in "reprograming" what she calls "glitches" frequently created in childhood that seem to have folks "stuck", unable to mature to adult maturity & responses. Just now reading her book: Who Needs Light?, available at no charge (except S& H)-@ www.whoneedslight.net I find it fascinating, illuminating, revelational in many ways; visual centering info & videos also on this newly created site, among much else of interest to many truth seekers & those who wish to help mankind. Her personal experience story, poetry and even a play contribute uniquely to this book over 20 years in the making.