07 Monday Oct 2013
Posted by Thetawave in Ascension
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I have hung on so long through all these now mostly physical changes, I am beyond tired. And I feel that I can no longer believe in great global changes when I can’t even feel better in my body.
That said, I spent hours yesterday doing energy work for the collective. Bringing an end to war, disparity, the global elite, etc. I have to be happy that I have enough to eat and a place to sleep. If this is enlightenment, I think I made a bad bargain.
Beyond the physical miasmas, the sheer loneliness is crushing. I chose a solitary path. Even though I remember making this choice consciously at about 13 years old, I think I made it on a higher level, long before coming here.
A few years ago, a friend of mine said she thought she was going to die of unbearable loneliness and now I know what she meant. She was talking about not having a meaningful intimate relationship.
My version of this is that I seem to remember that I have a big family of light beings somewhere, but I am here on this unending solitary mission. Sometimes I just want to go home..haven’t I worked hard enough? I wonder if it will ever end. Certainly, after over 1000 nights of ascension symptoms, sleeplessness and solitude, sometimes I can no longer remember how it felt to feel good, vital and happy.
One part of me knows it is essential to remember well-being so I can get back there, but another part of me wonders if it is the memory (of what I have lost) that is causing me pain. Perhaps it is the ability to compare and contrast that is not helping at this time. Without a memory of well-being would I be better off?
Ultimately, I have to just pick myself up and go back to facing every day as if I don’t expect more of what I have been experiencing. Perhaps one of these days, I will have a shift as a result, for now, I can only baby myself, and comfort myself with the idea that this is only temporary — not temporary as in it might get worse, but temporary as in a storm that will abate, and when it does, it will turn into an amazing clear blue sky.
Thanks to: http://infiniteshift.wordpress.com